Tuesday, April 14, 2015

My Head Hurts and I Think That is Good.........I Think.

I have been working hard over many years to kick a life long sugar addiction. For me the addiction started when my parents bought into a cake shop. My Grandad was the Baker and we had two shops and every Saturday I would work the morning and Mum would give me $10 for the days work and I would save that towards my horse riding camp. I remember helping to make the chocolate Swiss rolls. You take a large flat chocolate sponge, smear it with thick cream and using some grease proof paper, you roll the sponge over itself until the chocolate swirls and rolls. Sticky tape would hold the paper and then you cut off the end pieces to make a nice neat, chocolate and white treat. And I would eat the spare end bits. And of course we didn't just make one of these, we made heaps. At the end of the day Mum would put a tray of left over cakes, tarts, finger buns and donuts together and bring it home. I NEVER stopped at just one cake. I don't remember anyone ever saying for me to stop either.

About the same time, while Mum and Dad were busy with the family cake business, I started high school and the occasional wagon wheel and cream bun, brown paper bag lunch order that I enjoyed at primary school, became an everyday habit in high school. Mum gave me $1 (a lot of money in those days) for my whole days nutritional requirements. My first stop EVERY SINGLE DAY! Was at the garage on the way to school and EVERYDAY I bought either a Polly Waffle or a Chokito. That was breakfast. Morning tea and lunch always consisted of a chocolate paddle pop and a soft drink, preferably Fanta, never coke! yuck!

4 years at High school! By this stage I was hooked badly, and I didn't even know it.

I left home soon after finishing High School and when I moved in with my boyfriend I discovered takeaways. At home Thursday nights meant Takeaway fish and chips, Every Thursday! But away from Mum and Dad and out of control, I discovered a new found treat, KFC & Maccas. Does it get any worse? Living with two guys who didn't care about good eating, I tried cooking with my limited understanding of healthy meals. (Mum was not exactly Martha Stewart in the kitchen, so I knew nothing about cooking). I would boil mince, mash potatoes, add loads of tomato sauce and peas to the mince and eat. I had no chance. Combined with regular all night beer drinking parties, I was out of control. AND I didn't know any better.

When my daughter was born, I tried, I made sure I cooked home made fruit and proper food. I experimented and I knew that while it may have been ok for me to eat crap, it certainly wasn't how a baby was meant to eat. But when she was 3, I moved us to a stable where we lived and I worked for our board in a small pop up caravan. We had a 2 burner cook top and a toaster grill. We ate a lot of baked beans on toast. I survived a hard year, cleaning stables and earning my way and I survived on very little. My staple diet consisted of one pot meals and tube fruit ice blocks. Needless to say, while my weight had blown out after leaving school. When I left my life on the farm, I weighed 53kilos and was a size 8. I was fit and strong, but I was rushing from sugar high to sugar low. 

I met Big Gazza at 28. He was a chef and I had done a hospitality course and was waitressing. We were married and life began and I remember cooking him a meal. Wanting to impress, I cooked lamb chops smothered in a thick, brown, thrown together, tasty as hell but not that healthy gravy. He still talks about that meal.

70 kilos boom diddy boom!
I'm now 49. And while we have lived a good life and an active life, my weight has roller coasted from 58 - 70kgs and back again, and I seem to find a medium range at 64kgs. Throughout this time I have tried soooo many different diet options. The usual shmo of diets that most people blog about. No fat, no carb, high protein, juice, detox, low cal, high cal, you name it, I've tried it. And really, I do not have a huge weight issue. Luckily the genes perhaps are keeping me in a safe weight range.

But through my time when I have been reflective, or perhaps conscious of what I am putting in my mouth, I know the real culprit here is the sugar. I guess I have a scientific mind, or perhaps just common sense, but I can see without having to be hit with a sledge hammer where the problem sits. I have been at the mercy of the sugar cravings, screamed at myself to ignore the profiteroles that are talking to me from the other end of the table at parties, watched myself from a distance as I sneak another carob button, stolen a quick chocolate treat while I wasn't even looking. I am ADDICTED and I know it.

58 kilos and hello mumma!
With all things, consciousness brings awareness, focus brings reality, realisation brings understanding, ignoring means no change, addressing means effort, and this is where I begin. With effort. 

Always the researcher, I have done my homework, resourced myself with a bible and knowledge that someone has been there before me and survived. But this time, I feel I have made a new break through. These days Big Gazza and I, are even more aware of what we put in our mouths. As triathletes, nutrition is key. I would say that 80 - 90% of our nutrition is good. I/we still sneak crap in to my/our diet and my softness and poor skin and lethargy are good indicators that I still have not quite got it right. But that is about to change. This last couple of days since returning from Canberra and the Marathon, I have been even more aware of the sugar I am putting in my mouth, fruit, dates, milk, even in the good food. Its a good awareness and for 2/3 days I have watched carefully.

Tonight I have a ripper of a headache. I lost vision at work about 3.30pm and ended up with a wavy line floating in front of me. Not good. I have drunk 2 litres of water and ate well, I haven't exercised. I was planning on a weight session but the headache has persisted and as I sit here typing I can feel it still behind my eyes. I think it is a good hurt. Perhaps it is my body coming down off the sugar already. Strap yourselves in team, this is going to be bumpy. But it has to hurt of it is to heal!

Stay tuned.

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