Sunday, November 27, 2016

B.E.A.R and a moment of clarity

So, I have been thinking about B. E. A. R of late.
Basically this is in response to kind of, sort of, unconsciously signing up for the 2017 Noosa Triathlon.
How do you unconsciously sign up for a triathlon? Well, I didn't sign up in my sleep; I just made a quick decision to do the race without thinking it through. That includes the logistics of travelling 12 hours, getting my bike to the race, accommodation, getting leave off work etc. But what I did do was send Coach a quick "Noosa?" comment of FB and he responded with... "and is the Dude a fucking Champion?" That's a yes by the way.
So then why is this a big deal? Well, there are two thoughts or rather, B. - beliefs running through my mind right now. One little belief says, "You're old, 51 is done, hang up your running shoes, sit on the lounge and crochet a rug or something." while another belief says, you got this, you are an athlete, you are strong and you want to compete and do stuff that other average 51 year olds can't do and besides 51 isn't old!"
I find it interesting; the beliefs that we hold about ourselves. The little voices, the self belief, the talk we tell ourselves about ourselves. 'I'm fat, I'm lonely, I'm too short, my nose is too big, I'm old.' or other beliefs such as 'I am strong, I am an athlete, I am good at swimming, I got this, I can sign up for Noosa and compete AND do well. I can do anything I set my mind to.'
B stand for Belief. The belief about myself. Right now, to be honest, my self belief has two stories running concurrently. And more accurately I think one is the story that society has bestowed upon me and what I have been taught by the people around me. And this is the one I am fighting. I don't want to disappear, something my mum said to me years ago after she turned 50. She said she had disappeared from magazines and shops. Somewhere down deep her comment struck a chord and stayed with me and it is hounding me now. While the other voice/belief, for some crazy reason, has taken a back seat to the other story. I'm not sure why but I feel like it has been overrun by the stupidity of a false belief. I think it was the strong positive self belief, the one that says that I am a capable, strong athlete that signed me up for the 2017 Noosa triathlon. It snuck out there while no one was watching and pushed the enter button on my computer. It is the truth though, this strong self belief voice and I need to let it shout out loud much more often. And that is why I say, I unconsciously signed up for Noosa.
Belief leads to E. Emotions. From the moment of clarity (and I have to admit some time on the couch chatting with a professional with a piece of paper tucked behind a glass frame inserted here was needed). The realisation that turning 50 was a sign to myself to stop and the fact that this was a false belief and not of my own design, meant that I don't have to own it. I am free to let my true self belief come shining through. Coincidentally its interesting to add here, that one belief makes me feel so horribly bad and depressed. While the other lifts me up and I feel positive, energetic and strong. I sing in the mornings and cruise through my day at work. I am focused on the things that matter to me most of all.
So, Beliefs lead to Emotions. I feel focused, in the moment, present, in control. Not drifting through my week 'ticking boxes' (which btw is something Coach hates hearing from his athletes).
The Onion Man, Me, Slippery and The Plasma

Belief leads to Emotions which leads to A. Action. I set out yesterday, present and focused on what I needed to do during my ride. While I rode with the boys and chatted merrily, I also was focused on what Coach had set in my plan. And again today, I went out for my run. I didn't need to be poked in the ass with a cow prodder to get going. I was focused and engaged in the process. Action, setting goals and working out the process and strategies to get to the goal. Noosa. Working with Coach to make sure I arrive at the start line, prepared, present, focused and ready to 'get my hands dirty.' 12 months of solid, quality work is the road ahead for me.
And Action leads to R. Results. Todays run resulted in one of the best sessions I have done in such a long time. I felt light as I ran up the hill doing hill repeats. I was relaxed in mind and body. I didn't want to be anywhere else. I didn't want the session to end early so I could be home. I didn't want someone else there with me to distract me from the pain. I stayed focused and the result was a fantastic feeling of accomplishment. R. for Results.
Beliefs lead to Emotions which lead to Actions and end in Results!