Wednesday, June 25, 2014

In Search of an Uncomplicated Life............

After the stresses of 2 years ago when I left a 16 year long career/job with an A-hole of a CEO, I swore that I would de-clutter and un-complicate my life! This cleansing of 'The Sammi' also involved a revamp of every other aspect of my life. During the process I found myself swinging precariously above a chasm filled with fear, trepidation and plain 'oh Fuck' of my own doing. I felt brave yet absolutely out of control. And control is what I do best, if I can't control I will manipulate or waste a heck of a lot of energy worrying and stressing.

So, I purged. I left my job and the psycho CEO. I let my girl go and watch her walk away with another. My heart broke at my own hand. I watched my scaffolds fall as my brother left for Saudi Arabia with his new wife, and even though he is still there, available on Skype, it left me void of support. I shifted my focus and allowed myself to be calm; quiet and still. I refocused on me, went back to the gym and reminded myself of the constants in my life, my Gazza! daughter, family, Triathlon and with all that I found confidence and started a fresh.

Now, a new job, not quite 2 years and I have been given a promotion to State HR Manager. I didn't apply for this position, it was given to me. Now, I have to study again, work is paying for it sure, its a qual I have needed for some time now, but I didn't ask for it. Now, a girl has come into view, she reminds me, reminds me of the bubble. Now, I am not sleeping again. I am annoyed! I don't want the stress, but I feel vindicated. I don't want to break my heart again, but I am excited and thrilled and want to F.B comment a cryptic..."I have replaced you! I am a cat, I have landed on my feet, MEOW!" 

I am annoyed because these things have broken the silence. I was enjoying the amount of time I could focus on my training. Now finally the ITBs are getting to a place where I can run and now I can't run because I have to travel a 6 hour return trip to another state! for work. AND I know this new girl is too deep, too twisted to have anything to do with her. Sensible voice moment, and just perhaps a little grown up voice mixed in there to. I don't want my cake this time, I'll pass.

I realise I sound extremely ungrateful.... but I also know where I was emotionally 2+ years ago. I was dangerously close to melt down. I don't want to go back there again. I need to protect myself. 

Transition is never easy. At the moment the stresses are high as I move into this new role, study and of course with the extra money comes extra responsibility. I need to be patient and see how this plays out. But I also need to reassure myself, I can simply walk away!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Some Days it Rains Giant Lumps of Coal

But some days it rains diamonds!

Sooooo, a mixed bag of happenings since our return from Port Stephens. The best thing to up date is the fitness and knees continue to go from strength to strength.

Last weekend was a 3 day weekend which I extended to 5 days taking an extra day off work either side of it to get some R&R with Gazza. There were lots of plans made, but the weather decided to play havoc with the plans and we ended up seizing 2 days in the middle for an overnight camp out.

We chose a hike 2 hours away from home and a walk in, camp, walk out. We aimed for Corang Peak in the Morton National Park, Near Wog Wog (Nerriga), NSW. A beautiful spot with not a soul around.

We set out, for what we consider, an easy to moderate walk. 4+ hours later we chose a camp site. But before we did we hit the top of the Corang Peak on a beautiful clear blue day.

Corang Peak, about 3kms out

I enjoyed the day so much with Gazza, chatting happily about life, and loving the trail. I carried about 15kgs and Gazza about 18kggs in our packs and over 13kms and 4+hrs of hiking, I expected to be pretty shattered. Although weary, it wasn't depleting and I was very happy with our efforts.

After a lovely night in front of a raging fire and a few Cowboys and marshmallows and 12 hours of snuggled up sleep in absolute solitude, we struck out for home. The morning revealed a very different day, grey and wet. But we were ready for it and dressed in our dry gear we headed for home.

We arrived back at the car, stripped off our wet gear, put the heater on nuclear and smashed a block of chocolate on the way home. What an amazing couple of days.

Back to reality and it was Wednesday run group. Coach called for my attendance at run group so I was up at 4.30am and racing through the dark to arrive. I joined the group and we headed out. I was a little worried about the legs and how they might feel after the hike. The feet were a little sore in places, but the itbs are always in the back of my mind. I shouldn't have worried, I ran comfortably and kept up with the girls, although still at the back of the pack. I have to remind myself that I run with professional athletes as they race past me at a blitzing pace.

It is so dark in the morning now that we need to run along the bike track, but eventually it was light enough for us to hit the paddock for the rest of the run. I clocked up 9.16kmms and the itbs were just fine! So very happy.

I headed off to work, still happy, but I new today wasn't going to be a great day. Yep, 2 of my team were made redundant, while I was given a promotion to Southern NSW & ACT HR Manager.

It means travel. I am going to need to be creative and ensure that I find a way to keep my training going. Yes, they have pools and running tracks and riding trails in Canberra. It will be about finding a way. I also am not looking forward to being away overnights in Canberra and away from Gazza. He seems fine with the idea. hmmmmm time will tell.