So, its my baby's birthday in 2 days time. 26! Damn where do the years go. That last statement alone makes me sound old. I am turning into my Mother. Oh nooooo. The Kid wont be home on her birthday. I have no idea what so ever about what to buy or do for her birthday. And to be dead honest, I haven't given it a lot of thought because I have been so caught up in me. I'm either bloody selfish or I get so easily caught up in what's happening in my immediate (within my own arms length) world that I don't stop and look outside the metre wide cocoon I have woven around myself.
This is true in other aspects of my life at the moment as well. ITB, ITB f*cking ITB is all that I hear in my head. It's like someone hit the repeat button. Jeez.
I rolled into physio yesterday. Yep, I got my day wrong and turned up early without an appointment. Coach threw a few needles in anyway. Cause it's all about me! pht. But here was Mel and Kel and Lil Dog all laying on various slabs throughout the rooms. It was like an AP10 reunion said Coach as he worked. See Sammi, you're not the only one who has something to work on. Lil Dog (get this) her body gets tighter when she STOPS!!!!! Geez I'd like a little bit of that. She has to keep moving otherwise she gets issues. Me, if I move I get tight. lol. So anyway, it was calming (I think that is the right descriptor) to know that I'm not alone, this is the price you pay for wanting to push your body outside its comfort zone and This Too Shall Pass!
Problem is that it is going to pass after this weekend and not before. You see this weekend is not only my kids birthday but it is Husky Long Course. This time last year I was in exactly the same place. No lie. Chasing a Cortisone injection, only able to complete the swim and wasting a whole heap of money on entry fees. grrrrr Focusing on the positive. I am fitter, leaner, faster and so the list goes on. So I guess I am not exactly in teh same place....just pretty darn close. But I am also filthy, pouty, shitty and just all round pissed off that I am not chasing down my goal of improving my running.
At my present trajectory I am going to have a repeat of my first Ironman. An unknown run. Will she run, will she walk for 7 hours? This is not how I wanted this to play out. I wanted to work on my run all year so that I could actually run the marathon. FUCK!
ok, so once this shitty weekend has passed. Monday will see a new day and a new forward step. Monday I get the shot and we once again start rehabbing the itb/knee so that just maybe by May I can run. Then it will be all about the mental strength and ability to get through the marathon. Again.
It is disappointing as this is not how I see myself. This is not the goal I had planned, this is not what I had imagined. BUT!!!!!! It is where I want to be. I am in the right place. I will find a marathon in these legs and I will be ecstatic that this journey to I.M 2013 yep it wasn't easy, but I jumped every hurdle along the way, rode the roller coaster with both hands in the air hollering my mighty YAWP and I will reflect in rapture over my accomplishment. AND this year most importantly............I will be sharing the day with sooo many wonderful people that I have met along the way.
So today I am going to remind myself to look out beyond my own reach and see.
|I am falling in love with Thoreau|