The Current State of Play...........

It's Easter. No religious celebrations here, just chocolate and training and family on the agenda. It's also 4 weeks tomorrow til Ironman. This morning was supposed to be a 160km ride. I say supposed to be, in that, yep you guessed it, I'm still in bed. The 4 day weekend was supposed to roll like this:

• Friday
• Sleep-in
• River swim
• Core and stretch
• The kid comes home
• Saturday
• 160km ride
• Go with the kids to mum and dads
• Sunday
• 2:30 walk from mum and dads
• Golf day with dad
• Monday
• 100-120km ride
• River swim

hmmm, so far I got the sleep in sorted and then wanted to sleep all day. Dragged myself down to the river for a 4km to the bridge and back swim. It was high tide at 1.9metres and the water was still flowing in our favour. The top of the tide was timed for the return swim to make life a little easier. A wind had picked up and that too was in our favour for the first leg. I wasn't in the mood. But as a distraction to get me going I took my camera with me. So here I am ready to launch....

My 'I'm just not feeling it today' face

I took the shot then tucked the camera down my top nice and snug and stuck my head in the water. Immediately I spotted loads of little fish and we were off. Big Gazza to my left. We headed North along the straight and all the while I was aware that Gazza wasn't far behind me. Hmmmm is he swimming well or am I having a shocker. For the last few swims I have not been able to use my legs to kick so that I don't irritate my ITB and today my legs were asleep. I gave them a kick and immediately regretted it. Not the ITB but the lower back ouch!

I pulled up a couple of times and rolled into a ball to stretch the back out. Wetsuits make you super buoyant and can make my back curve too much so it's a temporary relief to tuck up and stretch. Not good to do during a race though as it takes time away. Mental note to Sammi, check when your next massage is. We reached the letter box. That's at approximately the 1km mark. Next photo op......

The Letterbox (2km swim turn around point)

The letter box is a communication tower of some sort. And its the turn around point most days giving us a 2km total. My back was really tight and so Gazza stuck his thumbs into the hollows of my lower back through the wetsuit while I pulled my legs up and down to release the muscles. It worked at releasing my back and almost drowning poor Gaz. I decided to continue on and so we made our way round a bend and now heading west and towards the bridges I used legs again to kick without too much pain.

We made it to the bridges and decided at this point to pull out. My back had twinged a little and we both weren't in the mood to be honest to fight the wind and tide all the way home. We stripped the top end of the wetsuits off and walked back along the road to the car. Pretty poor effort but I had in mind the tides would be right for another attempt on Monday.

So already the agenda was starting to fall apart...........

I spent the rest of the day doing a little gardening and chatting with the girls, setting my bike ready for Ironman and lazing about. Stretch and Core???? forgot. Wow we are off to a flying start.

Saturday (this) morning I was woken up by Gazza at 4 AM!!!! geez. I got up and assessed, yeah I feel ok. Got ready, dressed breakfast, I don't feel so good, brush teeth, put hair in pony tail, wow I feel like crap, got the drink bottles ready and went back to bed. Gazza left me to catch up with The Onion Man and probably do the 160kms while I lay in bed trying to get back to sleep with the coffee I had just downed making me buzzy. And so the internal fight starts. Now you're down a ride, get up when you wake up and get 100 done at least swap the 100 for the 160 do the 160 on Monday when you have all day to do it. Wow you are going to be so under cooked for I.M etc etc....

ok, let's blog it out!

My heart just isn't in it folks. Coach, Megzy, Baby Bear have all pulled out. Gazza pulled out but I hit the roof and made him stay in. (but that's another blog) and with all of the ITB issues, I just get the feeling this is not going to be a good race. And I know even having that thought in my head is setting me up for a bad race. This is crazy. I am beating myself up for missing a ride. I feel like I am getting a cold and maybe I should just have a day off and stop giving myself a hard time. But with 4 weeks left....

And then my sensible voice kicks in. Nothing is going to dramatically change in your training now. You wont get any fitter than what you are now. But you can get there stressed, drained, injured and sick if you do not watch your actions now. Take the day off, or take the dog for a walk.....be kind to yourself Sammi.

Maybe having one medal on the shelf is enough.........

Maiden ride ends in Smashfest................

Picking up the story from when I entered Coach's house and here is Megzy grinning like a Cheshire Cat....she beckons me to come into the back room and there she was, leaning up against the wall all white, silver and gleaming sparkling new. A Cervelo P2. Coach and Megz have been married about 6 weeks now and this was her Christmas come, birthday, come wedding gift from Coach. She was a beauty and she was ready to roll.

We headed out into the early morning, still dark as the days are shortening. With headlights amped we aimed the beams at Megz as she mounted her new ride. We waited for her to take point. She lead the crew out in a long procession and we headed north along our usual haunt. Megz was ten foot tall and bullet proof.

We worked our way along the Sea cliff Bridge and Megz opened up and let the legs do the work and before long she was flying. Hitting the first big climb we dialled in the legs to a churn setting and worked our way up Bald Hill and then we stopped for our obligatory welcome to the team little bike photo.....


Me, H.G, Megzy (proud mum), Simmo and P2

Re-fuelled and ready to go we headed into the National Park. At this point I was feeling pretty good. I.T.B was tight but not unbearable and the first 25kms had rolled by comfortably. We had made it down into the bottom of the valley and now it was time to do 4 repeats of hills in aero bars. Coach had said don't go out too hard, stay consistent on the hill through each rep. Rep 1 easy, rep 2 no prob, rep 3 and suddenly the other girls were passing me by. I didn't worry, let them go. Heading back down I was caught up by Coach and the boys who had gone further up the road. A quick catch up and reporting in the my leg was now tight from hip to calf and Coach called it. One more up and then head on to Garie. Once at Garie a good stretch and massage and the leg eased again.

50kms in the bag. Now its time to head along an undulating course across the top of the cliffs and head down into Bundeena. A long descent with a drop into town and we stopped and checked out the water before turning to climb back out of Bundeena. OMG! Where did the power go? Suddenly there was nothing. The hill scared me and for a split second I thought I couldn't do it. I pulled on the reserve and climbed out, but the legs were shot. No power, no drive. I laboured back up the ascent and just as we were reaching the T intersection I heard a horn toot. I put my hand out to acknowledge the car as it passed assuming the toot was to let me know he was coming. Suddenly this old Mercedes roared pass me and almost clipped my hand and almost hit the girls in front of me. It scared the begeeberz outta me and there were tears. I had just hit the bottom.

The sensible voice in my head pulled me back out of the dark and I checked my nutrition, way down. I crammed calories and fluid in as quickly as my stomach could handle. All too late. I struggled down the descent into Audley. Usually the climb out of Audley doesn't phase me, but today my head filled with self doubt. We started the climb, Simmo in front, me and then Megz (H.G had headed home only needing 90kms) suddenly I heard a voice in my head scream "I can't do this, I'm going to crash, get off and walk." WTF!!! since when. There was a small verge and so I pulled in. Megz called out as she went by to make sure I was ok. Yep, I just need a sec. Com'on Bowden WTF! A moment later with my song singing in my ear and my saying ringing as a base beat I started to climb once more. I needed to remember that I am strong, I am fierce and I will 'bloody well walk out of here!' and I did. But I was trashed. I limped along the highway with the traffic flying pass me and crawled into the garage station. Once there, I downed a Boost bar, loaded my bento with lollies and a spare water bottle with coke. Now take me home legs.

With the instant sugar lift I managed to get back down into the National Park and then I really hit the wall. Megz was my Hero of the day. She stayed in front and held the pace while I took up my official position as Mayor of Struggle Town. Every now and then I'd break into song...wont you take me to Struggle Town...etc and she laughed. My head was there, my attitude ok (now I had kicked my butt) but my legs were shot. Sometimes you just have days like that, hey.....

And then it happened!

With 100metres to go. Riding side by side through a round-a-bout a car came up on our left. At the give way sign he didn't stop, didn't hesitate just rolled through. I shouted 'he's not stopping'. to Megz we both veered to the right. With me slightly ahead all I heard as I rolled through was the crunch of carbon fibre and bike and body hitting the bitumen. Oh Megz. I couldn't look back. But had to. And there she was standing, now running back to her little P2 laying lifeless on the ground. She picked up her fallen steed now mangled, wheel buckled where the car's wheel had rolled over it, forks smashed, handlebars twisted.....I joined her in the middle of the round-a-bout.

Uninsured, he stood there in the middle of the road glaring at Megz, saying he wasn't even going to stop. Police called. Coach came screaming to the scene. It's just a bike Megz as long as your ok, its just a bike he whispered and hugged her. She looked up at him with heartbreak in her eyes. But I loved my little P2.

No Chocolate For YOU!...My Week in Review

It seems, I guess like most, that when you set yourself some goals you start off with all the best intentions, strong, firm in your conviction, energised to meet your goals and then........shit happens! And it does, that's just the way it is. So, one needs to pick up their game start a fresh and carry on. Don't they Sammi! Ok, I may be being a bit harsh on myself, I did record my stats and on the whole the numbers were good. Sleep good, tick, body improving, tick, head (attitude towards training) good, tick...But here we are.....Monday morning and after a woeful night sleep of approximately 4 hours, I'm ready to try again. Meals are set and prepped, plan is the transparent day by day one while we aim for upgrades and the checking in on the rest of Sammi as a whole is in place once more. AND!!!! Just to add some extra pressure.....it's 8.6 weeks to IRONMAN 2013!

I'm off to do a weigh-in. Back in a second. Brace yourself, there might be tears!

Ok, I'm back. You want the good news or the bad news? I guess the good news is that I remained the same weight so no backward step. After a week of high stress, missed meals, replaced meals with crap food, missed sessions due to work and late nights working etc I have not gained any weight. The bad news....I haven't lost any weight. But I can live with that. 60.9 is way better than where I was prior to last Ironman.

My focus is more on getting the work done. My plan this week past was a day by day affair. I get a days work to do from Coach, I then feed back to him how the itb (knee) held up and then he sets the next day based on that. The awesome news is that it is definitely getting better everyday. The crap news is that I didn't get all of the sessions done. Work had me travelling 100kms away from home and this ate into my own time and so I missed the open water swim. Maybe not such a bad thing in the end as the weather has been horrible. Wind, rain and high seas means the water quality is terrible at the moment. No sense getting sick. Silver lining moment here ;)

Here's to another week of commitment. Trying  to eat clean and healthy, sticking to the plan from Coach and getting the work done. I just hope this week there is some work to do. I really don't feel like I am getting much done. Though last Saturday I got permission to hit the bike again. 3 hours is definitely a step in the right direction. Like Coach said, "it" is all still there we just need to scrap back some of the dust that has gathered over the past 3 weeks while the knee had a chance to recover.

Goals for the Week.........

I have decided that this week I am going to write some goals down in black and white. Concrete them, put them out there in to cyber space in an attempt to keep honest and on track and accounatble to no one but me and the universe.
 
Diet, - Overall goal - to reach 57kgs
This weeks goal, not to stray off the diet.

• I have written up my diet and kept the daily calories below 1200 and the protein, carb, fat percentages balanced.
• I have shopped for all ingredients so there is no need to buy extra items accept for my daily 1 x latte on skim milk allowance.
• I have made sure I have enough food, cals and timed meals so that I shouldn't get tired or wander off plan at any stage.
• I have prepared all the meals so that I can grab and go.
• Going to add water in here. To drink 250mls at each meal.
• I have given myself a reward - small easter bunny on Sunday evening.

Program, - Overall goal - to be consistent in training
This weeks goal, to complete all aspects of the program as directed by Coach.

• Coach has provided the plan for tomorrow and Tuesday morning. I have written the plan up in my diary.
• I have set wake up times in order to allow enough time for each day.
• I will set up equipment and clothes the night before so I am not delayed.
• I wont let work or other non-related training issues take priority. Or I will plan around these if I cant avoid them.
• I aim to write in my diary at the end of each day so that I am able to reflect on the week.

Other factors, - Overall goal, to limit and control other factors that can impact on my training.
This weeks goal, to record factors influencing training and stratiegies for overcoming them.

• Diarise the following factors:
• Sleep - quality of sleep (as this is always a sign of stress for me)
• Fatigue - residual tiredness across the week
• Body - injuries, rehab
• Head - my attitude towards training prior to training
• Stress - work stresses or others that impact on training

Ok, let's see how it plays out.

Finding my new MOTIVATION!

I stumbled across this clip on F.B this morning and found the motivation I needed for this week and possibly I believe, it may hold me for some time to come. It rings bells for me when in my previous post I talked about mentally prepping for races and training sessions.



 

 

 
This afternoon was an open water swim. Usually the girls in the group stay inside the relative safety and enclosed water of the harbour rock walls. When I rolled up to squeeze into my new Huub Wetsuit I discovered only 4 guys and me and Megsy and Hooly Dooly. The 2 girls decided that they would stay inside while Coach turned to me and said "come one Sammi" I had had such a stressful day at work, I had been flat out the entire day and I had rushed to make it to the training session and so I hadn't really had a lot of time to mentally prepare for the swim let alone head out into open seas. But I had watched this clip earlier in the morning and the effect it had on me had created an aura that clung to me all day like a protective cloak that was inpentrable. So when Coach said jump. I was ready. I launched in to the training with rigour and commitment. So vastly different from Sunday's race swim. I'm proud of myself tonight for setting aside the stresses of the day and stepping up to the task.

Let's Turn That Frown Upside Down...........

So, of late, the last few posts have been a whinge whinge whinge moment. And Yep, I think I have been entitled to have a moment of Pouty Bowdy as I grapple with frustration, disappointment and yeah, a little bit of boohoo-itis. That moment kinda sort of adds up to about 3 weeks but we all know this ITB bent has been rolling along in the background for well.......since 2007. But who's counting ;)
 
The reality is that there was never going to be a Husky Long Course in these legs this year and so letting 2013 slip by was the obvious choice. With a Cortisone injection planned for the very next day after the race, there was nothing left to do but find a silver lining. I hoped to be able to turn this into a learning moment and get back into the positive attitude that I pride myself for maintaining the majority of the time. With Big Gazza, Roberto and The Onion Man all racing and pretty much the entire AP.10 Crew out on the day also, I decided the first call was to self appoint myself to the role of Official Crew Photographer.
 
The second thing to do was to focus on what I could do and not what I couldn't and so as I could swim, I set some goals around that.

• Make sure my sighting was as we practiced in training
• Set myself up in the deep water start the way we practiced
• Keep my form in the swim and cadence just like Coach said to
• Find a pair of feet to draft off
• And so the list goes on.
• One I added for myself also was to stay in the moment.

And it is this last point that I think is where I found my lesson for the day.
 
Let me explain. The last few swims I have found I end up in my comfort groove, you know, the one you can do all day that stroke that is familiar and not a huge amount of effort just auto-pilot. And that is when my mind wonders off and I look at the birds over head, wonder what is for dinner, get distracted by the pretty fish and so on.
 
To further illustrate the point let me show you some photos of the day.
 
 

 
Ok, so this is me after a 2km swim. Relaxed, smiling, joking with friends, happy etc. And this is Coach at the end of his race. (granted he did the whole lot but....)
 

 



 I see a huge difference here folks! What I see is not physical... cause it's obvious we are  at different ends of the spectrum. What I see, is a point of difference in the mental approach to the race and for that matter training as a sum total. To further illustrate, read on....... Coach is a fun guy. That's him photo bombing Pezza. He is bigger than life and seizing it with both hands. In this photo the Crew is gathered and chattering on about the day, stirring each other up, fussing with gear etc and Coach is in amongst it.
 

 



But then he checks his watch, pushes the ear pieces of his i-pod deep into his ears, cranks up the volume (I assume) pulls out a banana and quietly moves to a chair away from the Crew and facing a blank sign. Why? What's going through his head? The Crew accept this easily and don't bug him. It's time to get his race face on. He stands up after a while and in a calm voice says "Ok team, today I think we should"........we wait for some last minute pearls.........."Do a swim......then a bike.......then finish it with a run. What do you reckon? Get your hands dirty!"
 

 
In other words, if you don't have it now, forget it. Nothing he can say or do will change anything. You have to trust you have done the work, trained true, been honest and communicated with him over the preceding months. We head for the water. High -5 from Coach and it's on.
 
I settle in the water. It's cold! Colder than I expected anyway. I find a position on the line, float on my stomach as it is a deep water start, siren wails and we are away. Dig in a few hard strokes and sight for the buoy regularly and stay true on course. Round the buoys I head and after the third buoy I notice there are no feet to jump onto. The speed demons are about 10 metres or so in front of me, then there is me. I can see a few red caps if I turn and look back but no one next to or close to me. I am in the lead of the second bunch. Nuts! But ok, keep grinding. ohh look at that pretty school of tiny fish.... Hmm, paddle boards are now replacing kayaks I note....probably Christmas presents... SAMMI!!!!!!!!!! Stay FOCUSED.
 
I have other thoughts too. "Well, I'm just doing the swim so this race doesn't mater if I go slow. NO!That wasn't the race plan. My lower back is complaining too and I notice I don't have any drive through my kick....this is going to be a slow time. etc etc etc.
 
Now, check this face out.
 

 

I assume here that he is not thinking about if the pink band on his wrist matches his eyes. There is determination, pain, exhaustion, belief, commitment and I would guess a good dollop of hunger and drive mixed in there too.

 

So where is mine?







 



 
The finish shute and behind him is Jono and his family from the Crew celebrating and cheering him on. Even in the finish shute there is no letting go.
 
So, back to the first two pictures...........
 

 

 

When I race, there is always a part of me that somewhere deep down isn't in the moment. It says, 'it's ok, we aren't competitive, we are just here to have fun, look at the pretty fish all you like cause we aren't serious we can pull out anytime, no one will care, you're just an average age grouper with out a shot so just smile and have fun."

 

It's a flat out excuse for not having the balls to dig deep and hurt and push myself beyond where my head says "That's BAD!"  It's not having the faith and conviction in my body and the training to confidently say, and truly believe, that I know my body is physically up for the job. It can do this. The only thing holding me back is me, and my ability to be stronger than my own mind when it signals to my body that I should stop or something might possibly go wrong. I have not got the ability (Or perhaps drive/want to push myself to a place in the back of the Hurt Locker) even though I say I can do it.

 

My learning moment out of this weekend is to turn that entire thought process around. Otherwise why the fuck would I bother getting a Coach and spending money to have the best support and advice I can get in order to do this thing. Somewhere there is a gap. And I think it is a mix of Fear of Failure, Self sabotage, Excuse ladened bile. I do want to do the best and be the best that I can be.

 

So make the magic happen Sammi.





Yet Another Whinge Blog..........

Sorry folks, but yep......I need to get this stuf off my chest cause it is holding me down. So read on or not, it doesn't matter, I just need a WaaWaaaa Woes is Me moment.

So, its my baby's birthday in 2 days time. 26! Damn where do the years go. That last statement alone makes me sound old. I am turning into my Mother. Oh nooooo. The Kid wont be home on her birthday. I have no idea what so ever about what to buy or do for her birthday. And to be dead honest, I haven't given it a lot of thought because I have been so caught up in me. I'm either bloody selfish or I get so easily caught up in what's happening in my immediate (within my own arms length) world that I don't stop and look outside the metre wide cocoon I have woven around myself.

This is true in other aspects of my life at the moment as well. ITB, ITB f*cking ITB is all that I hear in my head. It's like someone hit the repeat button. Jeez.

I rolled into physio yesterday. Yep, I got my day wrong and turned up early without an appointment. Coach threw a few needles in anyway. Cause it's all about me! pht. But here was Mel and Kel and Lil Dog all laying on various slabs throughout the rooms. It was like an AP10 reunion said Coach as he worked. See Sammi, you're not the only one who has something to work on. Lil Dog (get this) her body gets tighter when she STOPS!!!!! Geez I'd like a little bit of that. She has to keep moving otherwise she gets issues. Me, if I move I get tight. lol. So anyway, it was calming (I think that is the right descriptor) to know that I'm not alone, this is the price you pay for wanting to push your body outside its comfort zone and This Too Shall Pass!

Problem is that it is going to pass after this weekend and not before. You see this weekend is not only my kids birthday but it is Husky Long Course. This time last year I was in exactly the same place. No lie. Chasing a Cortisone injection, only able to complete the swim and wasting a whole heap of money on entry fees. grrrrr Focusing on the positive. I am fitter, leaner, faster and so the list goes on. So I guess I am not exactly in teh same place....just pretty darn close. But I am also filthy, pouty, shitty and just all round pissed off that I am not chasing down my goal of improving my running.

At my present trajectory I am going to have a repeat of my first Ironman. An unknown run. Will she run, will she walk for 7 hours? This is not how I wanted this to play out. I wanted to work on my run all year so that I could actually run the marathon. FUCK!

ok, so once this shitty weekend has passed. Monday will see a new day and a new forward step. Monday I get the shot and we once again start rehabbing the itb/knee so that just maybe by May I can run. Then it will be all about the mental strength and ability to get through the marathon. Again.

It is disappointing as this is not how I see myself. This is not the goal I had planned, this is not what I had imagined. BUT!!!!!! It is where I want to be. I am in the right place. I will find a marathon in these legs and I will be ecstatic that this journey to I.M 2013 yep it wasn't easy, but I jumped every hurdle along the way, rode the roller coaster with both hands in the air hollering my mighty YAWP and I will reflect in rapture over my accomplishment. AND this year most importantly............I will be sharing the day with sooo many wonderful people that I have met along the way.

So today I am going to remind myself to look out beyond my own reach and see.

I am falling in love with Thoreau