The injured athlete - take it from me..........

Year after year, season after season, I have been defined, destroyed and strengthened by 2 x cranky Iliotibial Bands (itb).  

I remember the very first time it reared its ugly head. It was 2010. I had signed up for Ironman Port Macquarie and the body couldn't handle the load. My Coach had perhaps not truly understood my poor level of fitness and no base. Or more accurately, perhaps it was me that absolutely had no idea what I had signed up for and didn't understand enough about base and the onion layers required to get the Ironman job done properly. I ran my marathon. But prior to race day, I hit wall after wall of ITB issues.

I was devastated. I felt embarrassed, anxious, stressed and uncomfortable and simply put, my life just sucked. I would turn up to run group and walk round the oval following the runners. Some weeks I could manage a short run. We ended up doing all bike work and elliptical and then I just turned up and ran on race day. Not your best planned lead up to an Ironman.

Every morning I would wake up wondering if I could run pain free. I went to bed hoping that tomorrow I would be in less pain. I wished for the day that I could run without pain. Yep that was many years ago.

 

I was no fun to be around and my husband was still riding and running and I was envious of his freedom to use is body however he wanted. I was jealous that my 'larger' friends could run. I still hate watching the lady running every morning pushing a double sized running pram with two kids jammed into it. How does she do it day after day? I didn't want to be around anyone who was an athlete and I cried a lot.

I did everything I could to fix the problem. I stopped almost all training to "rest" my knees, saw massage therapists, constantly stretched and rolled, got a few cortisone injections, googled, searched Slowtwitch for answers. I was desperate and I didn't know any better but to try to quickly fix myself as soon as possible. 

 

After so many years of dealing with itb issues, often times not running for up to 3 months year after year, I've learned a lot about myself. When you are a chronically injured athlete (despite doing everything that you are told to do to keep yourself healthy and to overcome the injury), you hit some very low moments. Looking back, I have had many scenarios where I have had to make tough decisions. As an athlete, some of my hardest decisions to make were not which races to register for in a season but instead, how to approach the season when an injury arises. I have not made it to t he start line for so many races, not completed, or not entered races.

Every athlete handles an injury differently and sadly, injuries are bound to happen. The human body is not as resilient as we think/want it to be. I get it! Regardless of the physical pain, it's really the mental and emotional pain that is the most difficult part of being injured. Not only do you experience a loss of your sport but there is a dramatic change in your lifestyle. Workouts are removed, there is more time spent at doctor appointments and physical therapy treatments and there can be many days when it feels like the day is just a waste without a workout, just like old times. 

When you are the athlete who is injured, it is hard to think long term. It's hard to make good decisions that will benefit the future rather than what feels "right" at the moment.  Every effort is focused on quick healing and patience is an extremely hard trait if a race is on the horizon. For coaches, loved ones and friend's of an injured athlete, it is really difficult to say the right thing. As an athlete, you see that time is running out before a key race but the injury is just taking longer than anticipated to heal and that can be extremely frustrating.

Not racing or not completing the entire race is certainly one of the toughest decisions I have had to make. And I have had to make the decision time and again. It Sux! Dealing with it comes with a roller coaster of emotions. Acceptance, denial, frustration. Certainly a hard working athlete should be hard working in the rehab process? Right? But it's not easy to be all smiles and rainbows when you can no longer do what you love to do. 

So what's the advice I give myself having a 70.3 race in November? 

Don't let this injury define me. No one is taking away my athlete status. I do not have to prove that I am tough as nails by pushing through pain. Do what I need to do to get myself healthy again. That is all that matters. Every day that I let my ego get the best of me, is a day that I could have made progress with healing. Be patient. I may not feel it now, but I will heal. And if I am proactive during my recovery/rehab, I will not only heal but I will be stronger than before.

Don't let this injury destroy me. There's no need to throw in the towel. I can think about many of my friends, age group, elite and professional athletes who have had incredible comeback stories after overcoming an injury. There are athletes who have been injured and then beaten the odds and other athletes who struggled for a long time and provided an extreme dose of motivation with their initial comeback to the sport. I have to be doubly motivated to put in the work to heal myself. Come back too soon and I will experience more time lost. Keep myself as fit as possible by focusing on what I can do, pain free, so that I do not cause any more setbacks. When I am ready to make my return back to full training again, I will be so happy that I did not give up when the going got tough. I will not be injured forever - don't forget this.

Do let the injury strengthen you. I will be mentally stronger. I will be my own comeback story. How will my story end? What do I see as my happy ending? What's motivating me to get better? What's keeping me focused and determined to not give up? I need to make smart decisions so I don't back track. And what will this injury teach me about myself? Its pointless being weak, lazy, unmotivated, angry or bitter! Rather, stay determined, focused, hard working and diligent that there WILL be a positive outcome when I DO return to the sport that I love.

 

Just do the right thing, make the right decisions and be smart.

It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

 

So I sent Coach some thoughts in an email last night, with the above in mind. (I need to acknoledge TriMarni for the blog above, which I have edited to suit me. But her blog resonated with me so much)

 

Hi AP,

ok, so its 18 weeks til Western Sydney. What I have put down here is based on:
 

• keeping the load off the legs - I figure if I can keep away from running and the pounding then it will give the knees a chance to calm down and hopefully the inflammation will settle. So lots of elliptical and walking.
• Still keeping fit  - more bike and strength work in the hills, keep the load off, stay fit enough to run when its time to start again. Bike has no pounding on the legs.
• Staying strong in the legs and core - lots more strength work so that the muscles in my hips, legs, core get ready for running. I know 5 days core might seem a lot, but it would be different each day, like TRX, clams and planks etc 
• Moving forward - looking at every opportunity to keep working towards my goals and staying happy.

Obviously all is up for discussion when you get back. But my thoughts are this....

 

	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
AM	Strength & Core &                           Elliptical (1hr avail)	Outdoor ride (2-3hrs avail)	Swim (oak flats)	Indoor spin &                        walk/run off	Swim (oak flats)	Long ride	Recovery ride                               &/or 2+hr walk/hike
PM	AP10 Swim Squad &                                  Core work	Strength & Core &                           Elliptical (1+hrs avail)	Indoor spin &                   core work	Strength & Core &                           Elliptical (1+hrs avail)	Walk (1-2hrs avail) &                           stretch & release	Open water swim or                                           long swim (oak flats)	stretch & release              family time

                                                                                                         

It Takes a Little While to Come Out............

I read this article the other day.....yeah Facebook. But it resonated with me so much I sent it to Big Gazza and when he was done reading he just looked at me and laughed. "That explains so much, its exactly you" he said. So I, in typical style pondered on this for a week or so and then decided to write a post. So here it is.

Note: I have edited, cut & paste, manipulated the article to suit my own purposes and I have no reference sorry.

Apparently it has been proven that 'highly' (I'm not suggesting that I am in the highly category) creative people’s brains work quite differently than other brains. That special brain wiring that can create such wonderful art, music, and writing can often lead to strain in a relationship, because of those differences. This translates as a good old fashion barny between Gazza and I when we are working on a building project together. We have discovered, over time, that if I draw it, he can build it.

If you’ve ever loved a highly creative person, you know that it can seem like they live in their own little word at times, and that thought isn’t far from the truth. Here are some things to keep in mind when you are in love with a highly creative person:

1. Their Minds Don’t Slow Down The highly creative mind is one that is running at full speed all the time. Although it can be a source of crazy, spontaneous fun – it can also be a burden. Highly creative people rarely keep normal sleep cycles, and are often prone to bouncing from one task to another throughout the day. It can be exhausting to try to keep up. Sleeeeeep, I can think of so many times when I have gone to bed with a problem and in the morning woken up with the solution. I had dreamt about it and my subconscious mind has solved it and then retained the information for me to share with Gazza in the morning. He has even woken up in the morning and said to me, "So, what's the answer?" and I have been able to tell him. He just shakes his head. I remember a time very clearly when Kez was just a baby. Her nursery was a large room with a picture rail and dado board running around the walls. I couldn't afford to buy a cupboard for her clothes. But overnight I dreamt a solution of placing two triangle shaped boards into the corner of the room and they would attach to the running boards and a curtain in front. Sorted! Bouncing from one task to another sounds sporadic and out of control. I'm the type of person who has a hundred balls in the air at once. I have projects happening, art work in progress and always something on the go. I have tried to uncomplicate my life. And sometimes there is too much going on. But un-complicating is hard for me and I inevitably clutter it up again. I live in a whirlwind. Its about cramming as much into my life as I can.

2. They are Cyclical The flow of creativity is a cycle, full of highs and lows. Some people may consider this “manic” behavior, but in reality, it is just how the creative process works. Keep this in mind as your partner goes through these natural ebbs and flows. The low periods aren’t permanent. There have certainly been a lot of ups and downs. Life is a rollercoaster. I say to Gazza often "Watch me for the changes and try to keep up." He does a pretty good job of both. There have been plenty of times when I have needed to recalibrate, have thrown artworks against a wall, fallen face first in the mud, panicked, spent days unmoving on the lounge, danced like a crazy person, held my hands in the air and whooped as life has sent me soaring towards the next exciting idea or experience and I try as hard as I can to take those who want to, along for the ride.

3. They Need Time Alone Creative minds need air to breathe. Whether it is their own little work space or an escape to somewhere quiet, they need a time and place to be alone with their thoughts. Some people are inclined to think that if nothing is being said that there is something wrong, but with creative people that is not the case. They are just working within their own head. Oh boy is this me! While I crave interaction and I am energised by people and love the idea of being social and having fun times with people. I fiercely hold on to my own time. I can disappear, if needed or by choice, into my own thoughts and scroll mentally through a list of thoughts, issues, challenges, new ideas, memories, stones left unturned and boxes that need unpacking. I can dream, scheme and scream in my own mind and I can do this when I am alone, or alone in a crowd of thousands. Its easy to disappear and ruminate. And I can get into trouble for it too. Whoops.

4. They are Intensely Focused
When a creative person is on task, they are fiercely intense. The change from being scatter-brained to hyper-focused can be difficult to deal with, so just understand that it is how their brains work. Don’t get frustrated. Hmmm, I don't feel like I am scatter-brained or chasing butterflies or shiny objects that catch my attention. But I can skip from activity to activity or idea to idea. Sometimes I can get in my own way and struggle with getting started. But, when the light turns green, then I am locked on. It is intense to the point of obsession and the fixation can sometimes get me into trouble. An example of this is the little 86 parked in the garage. The little orange car is the product of a solid year of fixation, obsession and intensity. I tried to fight it, but one day I just drove to the car yard and bought the car. With time and perhaps age and a little maturity, I have managed to recognise when I am fixating on something and can temper it (sometimes). So my latest obsession is about extending the house. Yes, my obsessions can get very expensive.

5. Emotions Run Deeper Creative people feel everything on a deeper level. What doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, can be crushing to them. It’s that same passion that goes into whatever they create that drives them to love you, so understand that with the good – comes the bad. I think over time and with maturity I have been able to keep my emotions on a fairly steady keel. But I can look back over my shoulder and remember times when I have been engulfed by emotion. Most prominent a jaw operation that went terribly wrong. Feeling trampled and helpless as the news rolled over me that the op had left me worse off than prior. The helplessness and blackness carried around from about 12years of age about my appearance. But also of note, the release of black energy when I came to terms about what I couldn't change or control. Freedom.

6. They Speak in Stories Creative people often express themselves in experiences, instead of just saying what they want to say. It is a way of sharing themselves that personifies who they are. At times, it can be difficult to figure out what a creative person is saying, so don’t be afraid to read between the lines. Guilty! Yes I talk in stories, I can go out and around the block and then bring it all back again to make my point. In conflict I often 'acknowledge' others feelings and start my own sentences with 'I feel.' Sometimes, ok often, others can hear this and wonder what the hell I am talking about. Meli was someone who struggled often with this. I found it hard to just say what I wanted to say straight up. I work hard on being a straight shooter, but often it can leave Gaz pulling what little hair he has left OUT!

7. They Battle with Themselves Being creative can be a serious internal struggle. Motivation, enthusiasm, direction, and drive can all be issues for creative people. Some days it is hard for them just to get out of bed, and other days you can’t get them to slow down. Be patient in the lulls, because there is usually a burst of activity right around the corner. As I said... life is a roller coaster. But there have been days when I have not moved off the couch. I call it 'The Little Black Cloud.' Its hard for me to see it closing in and it can hang around for quite a while. Its a work in progress that one.

8. Intuition is Important Creative people, because of their intense emotional tendencies, tend to rely on intuition over logic. They go with their gut. Some people consider this to be more on the “impulsive” end of the spectrum. The creative mind doesn’t rely on logic to make a decision, it relies on experience and passion. Case in point is the little car, a year long obsession and then an impulsive weekend drive to the caryard. But, I would never change the way I am driven by passion. Give me a moment of passion, than a lifetime of nothing at all. Give me life real, raw and unedited. Sometimes it hurts like hell, sure. But I want to experience every moment with intensity and love.

9. They Struggle with Confidence
When people create, especially for a living, they are always struggling with acceptance. That is art. They have to wear their hearts on their sleeves, and so they always question whether or not what they are producing is good enough. Being supportive is the key to loving a creative person. I could never sell my own work. I have given away so many artworks. The only way I could work was to work for someone who would then put a price (plus his cut) on my work. I hid behind the safety of Bron's negotiating and sale ability. I never wanted to work to a brief and climb into someone's head and try and see what they want me to paint. I'd much rather paint something and then if you like it, then you can offer me a price. Or you can take it if you like it. Easy.

10. Growing Up is Hard to Do Creative people are almost always children at heart. That care-free nature can seem immature and impetuous – but it is all part of the deal. Understand that the aspects of their creative brains that you love are the same ones that make them somewhat irresponsible when it comes to being an adult. oh I just don't like this growing up business. But who does? I enjoy wistful. I enjoy dreaming of flying and endless possibilities. I love horses and dreams. I don't want to make decisions, pay bills, plan for retirement, learn about super. ahhhhhhhhh I never want to grow up!

Sydney 10k a Freezing DNS.....

So, the Big Day arrived and then went. Well, its still going really. It's 4:21pm and I am rugged up in my pjs in front of the heater that doesn't seem to be making an ounce of difference to this freezing day. The orangeness of the gas heating the gauze suggest its doing its darndest to get the job done. Poor little guy is destined to fail. I know how he feels. I know, I haven't really failed. How can you fail if you never even get started. But nevertheless it sure does feel like a fail. It's a DNS today. Damn it hurts.
 
I could focus on the positives here. I didn't have to warm up and jog on the spot trying to keep warm pre race. I could have 2 x ciders and a glass of wine with dinner, and over eat until I had heartburn and not have to worry about the headache or the bloating. I didn't have to worry about the wind beating me in the face with needle like icicles. I didn't have to get cold to the bone waiting for everyone to finish and then struggle to get changed under a paper thin towel. I didn't have to sit in cold, damp, sweaty, stinky running clothes in a café eating cold muesli and milk.  I could hold everyone's coats for them by putting them on so I looked like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. So, it aint so bad after all.
 
Coach sent out a text asking how I was travelling today? ummmm cold and shitty with a chance of tantrums.
 
Finding a happy thought....We had a good night. Went out for dinner and followed it up with a little something sweet. I have to say, I didn't enjoy it and didn't finish the dessert. I am so pleased that I have met this challenge and beaten it. I am no longer a sugar-holic team! And now the portions of meals is starting to take some focus. I just can't keep eating and eating without some serious discomfort as a result. There is nothing fun about having to sit up in bed and burp to try and settle the tummy.

 
Gaz seemed a little sluggish this morning. Didn't seem over keen to get going. He was hoping for a sub 45mins. He finished just outside of that with a 49:14. He says he is happy with the time and struggled a bit. He says he didn't train as good as he should as was a bit cocky when he claimed he could do sub 45. Everyone else finished around the hour mark, so a good day for the gang.

 
Meanwhile............

 
 It's time for a recalibration of my goals and dreams I think.
 

You Have Got To Be Joking.........

So about 2 weeks ago I had a run where I got to 5kms and the knees started to niggle. I walked home. Took me ages to get home to. The ITBs were not happy and I was worried. The following Saturday I hit the National Park in the freezing cold and had both legs cramp. This week I headed out for my run. I got to about 2.5kms and BANG!
 

I am not a happy camper peeps. Not Happy at all. I was supposed to be racing this weekend. I had signed up to the 10km Sydney Run. I did it last year and fell on a curb but otherwise finished the race. I had hoped this year to repeat and improve. Apparently its not to be. Yet again I rip up another race number and waste money.
 
Sorry, this is a pouty spoilt brat post today. But I am also very upset. I have been working so hard on my core and strength work. Not hard enough though. Not enough to make a significant improvement and prevent injury. Geezus I am so annoyed.
 
In a moment of feeling sorry for myself I look up and compare myself to others in the Crew. I have, over time, learnt not to do this and just focus on my own game. But last week one of the Crew, who also suffers from ITB issues, got up and did a marathon in 3:38. Now all I can say is WTF! She is 40. She wasn't running and now running and doing it in style. Hats off to her. I need to work harder. Pouty moment over!
 

This photo tells the story about what's going on, more than I can describe. Searing pain at the knee joint. The end symptom of an imbalance occurring in my hip region. If you scan back through these posts, there will be regular references to this. Its been with me before my first Ironman. 2011.
 
I'm frustrated as hell. I sent a text out to Coach this morning. "Morning update from face down in the mud. Went out for my run. Got about 2kms and then both knees just went. Walked home in pain. Normally stops when I walk, so I figure they are both fucked. Still in pain, both sides. It's not ok. I'm not ok. I'm off to work now to take it out on some poor innocent. Talk to you later."
 
Some back and forth comments checking in this afternoon. I have still not been able to find my happy thought. I struggle with continuing on, one let down after another. I struggle with Gazza and my friends questioning Coach. I push back. The man is in Spain working with the Olympians, as if he isn't the best. However, my love of the sport and my inner strength to pick myself up and carry on is waning badly. Maybe I should give up and choose something else to do. Perhaps its time. BUT deep down I want to keep going. I enjoy the fitness, the friends, the AP Crew, Coach etc. I will ask Coach about the ITB release surgery. Its the last stone unturned. In the meantime though I have made a decision.....

No racing! I will not sign up for any more races and waste any more money until.....
I have run without issue, under pressure and at full load, at my maintenance weight and having built a strong base of strength and core work and have confidence that I am fully ready and prepared for the race. I think reasonably I am talking about taking a year off racing. That includes no Husky L.C 2016. I will call Western Sydney off and watch to see if I can get my entry fee back too.

 

Frozen.............

3:48am oh my. Some random, possibly drunk, chick is running down our street screaming 'Reece.' But it sounded more like 'Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeece!' ok, thanks I'm awake. Gazza sleeps on peacefully. X-army ready to leap to my protection, pft yeah right. Dream on Princess. Alarm goes off....4:30. I'm still awake so that's one good thing. Up and moving, coffee and stepping into the dark and heading North.
 
The AP Crew gather in the dark. There are a few missing. But the girls are there. Coach had sent a message from Spain saying I should ride with Group 3. I was a little miffed, but in the end resigned myself that I probably couldn't match Group 2 right now. I had gone to bed with that in my head. But when I woke and read 'give Group 2 a crack,' I cheered up. So when we rolled out I jumped into second wheel behind Juannie and stuck to her like glue. We hit the hills and I worked hard, but was surprised when I climbed comfortably and continued to spin along happily. It was so dark. I looked back through the bunch to see Gaz. He was happy spinning on the back. My ever ready Wingman. But there were only 7 of us instead of 10. Boom! Group 3 had been left behind. Now don't get me wrong, I am not being mean towards Group 3. But what it meant was I was back where I should be. Group 2. BTW Group 1 are the big guys, way out of my league, talking Pro Triathlete's here.

Anyhoooo, we hit the Hill and today I just cruised up with the girls in front and Gaz and Lil Dog behind me. Back where I belong. At the top of the hill we met up with Group 1. Not sure how far we were behind them, but wow, they were still there. We descended into the Park and holly cow my legs froze up. I wasn't wearing my booties. Nuts! What was I thinking. It was about 2-3 degrees in the valley and we were thankful of the climb up again to Garrie. Once at the turn around we met up again with Group 1. But by this stage they had done a repeat on the Garrie climb. Still, pretty happy and still riding with the girls, though finding it hard to get the legs powering, cold and tightening up.

Once again we descended back into the valley. We laughed about just how cold it was and compared numb toes with frozen fingers and wet noses. I was regretting my missing booties, what was I thinking. And the long 14km ascent was painful from every angle. My legs were tight and I found just turning them over excruciating. Finally, as we neared the top I could feel the temperature rising, but my toes couldn't. I couldn't feel anything from my thighs down.

Missing a vital piece of clothing

Finally at Bald Hill again we stopped for a loo break and I wiggled my toes and moved my legs trying desperately to get some feeling and blood pumping again. We headed home. Just at the end of the Sea Cliff bridge there is a nasty pinchy little climb of about 100metres. I was about halfway up when both ITBs sent out a warning shot. Cramps started and the legs tightened. Holly Crap I thought my legs were going to seize at any second. I willed with everything I had for the legs to keep going. I could no longer stand up on the pegs so I just sat and churned the legs over one at a time, only just staying upright and moving. I limped over the top. Gaz was at the top. He had stopped as well. His legs hadn't worked and he was suddenly struggling as well. Lil Dog pulled up behind me as her knee started giving out cranky shots also. We were all in trouble. Time to limp home.

Lil Red done for the day

We finally made it home. With the bikes in the back of the car we headed home, job done. The heater on full ball and the sun toasting me, I was asleep within minutes. Maccas Coffee!

The ITBs were still cranky and the legs were shattered. After a quick chat with Coach he changed the plans for my run today to downgrade to a safer 50 minute elliptical set, and I was off to buy some knee warmers.

I spent the rest of Saturday after the ride sleeping and laying on the lounge. My lower back was really stiff. I think this is where my ITB issues were coming from. A massage today with Linda (thank goodness for Linda, so happy I have her on my side) and the lower back feels much better.

Meanwhile, the sugar free diet continues in a positive direction. I am eating well and the energy is still up. No temptation at any time to venture to the dark side. This week we tried some sugarfree natural GU and electrolyte drink. They worked really well and I am keen to keep trying it over winter and moving further away from the non real food energy alternatives.

Cooking this week has been fun. We have absolutely fallen in love with the Celeriac and Fennel soup. It was an unexpected surprise for both of us and has become a winter favourite that we will definitely do over and over.


Another winner was the yellow chicken curry. We opted to have it with mixed rice and poppadums and it was delicious.

Today was all about baking the staples for next week. Quinoa, Savoury Muffins, Protein Balls, Protein and Chia Pods,  Inside Outside Bread and Granola. Looking forward to another great week.

The Wakeup Call I Badly Needed.........

I'm not comparing myself here to some poor soul sitting in a doctor's surgery hearing the bad news for the first time. "Mrs Smith you need to stop smoking immediately or you are going to die of lung cancer." No, nothing that severe, thank goodness. However, I do feel a kind of badly needed revelation has happened, not of the biblical kind either. Just a solid wake up call that has provided me with the harsh enough reality to insist on a major change in my lifestyle.
 
Don't laugh now.... but "Hi, my Name is Sammi B and I am a Sugarholic!" And thanks to Damon Gameau and Sarah Wilson aka the messengers of the Reality Check, I have made a U turn in my life, an about face, a monumental shift, a recalibration of the major kind.
 
Recently days have been easy, energy has been up, skin has been smooth and clear, head has been clear and focused, mood has been stable (and at a rapidly approaching 50, you'd think the broody Meno would be upon me any sec now) And the best of the best is that I have lost count of how many days, weeks, months, minutes that I have been 'sugar free'.
 
Yep, sure I am at week 3 of the IQS program. But Gazza and I have been living the white crystal free life now and it has become just that, a life, not a fad diet that I will come crashing down from and fail, as I have done so many times before.
 
Added bonus is a renewed interest (yes genuine, not forced) in cooking again. Food has become a gastronomical adventure and one that I am loving. Shopping is still a chore though. I just can't come at the Sunday arvo waste of valuable me time spent standing in an aisle with people with screaming children pushing trollies full of junk food and slabs of soft drink about. arghhhhhhh.
 
Not wanting to flood my Gram with food pics and boring my legions of Gram followers ;) I'm going to dump a few pics here for anyone who gives a crap. But also a few random shots as well. Here goes.
 

No one can cook in a kitchen successfully without the expert help from this little guy.....Tassie Devil Oven Mit. A must have and he just makes cooking so much fun. Imagine going the grab on a hot tray of muffins with a Tassie Devil, mouth wide open and insert deep throaty yummy Nom Nom sounds as he grabs the tray. Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom, mmmm yummy muffinnnnnnnnnssssssss Woot woot.
 
Last Sunday was all about the Savoury Muffins, Seedy Bread, Inside Outside Bread, Quinoa, Chia Pods, and Cashew Nut Butter. I also made enough ride bars (3 different types) to last Gazza and I a good 4 months. 3 types, 1 protein based, 1 x based on banana (no refined sugar) and 1 x with rice malt syrup, coconut sugar and dates for our 80km+ rides when you really do need some glucose to get you home.
 
While I am doing the Sunday cook off and prep for the week, Gazza is in charge of daily meals. So he is all over dinners and he is also in charge of plating up. Having an X-Chef as a husband is veeeeery helpful team. Its definitely the reason I have a little/ok big, belly too. He is also X-Army and he still likes to cook enough to ration in a full platoon.
 

Lamb chops and pumpkin with crumbly fetta. Holley molley this meal had me licking my fingers at the end.
 
Egg/bacon muffins along with Thai Pumpkin soup. Oh wow, I don't think plain ol pumpkin soup is ever going to be quite the same again.

 
Chicken with quinoa salad and Pulled Pork with cauliflower cream. These meals have been perfect for winter in Aus and have been added as meals we will definitely do again and form part of our arsenal in our new sugar free life.
 
Breakfasts have been great also. I love my staple of Greek yoghurt, raspberries (when I can afford them! Are they ridiculously over priced or what!), home made Granola and Quinoa porridge. Oh yum!

Saturday and Sunday were real treats when Gaz cooked up a bunch of corn fritters with avocado salsa. I sat in my courtyard that is sheltered from the winter and bathed in warm winter sun and indulged in 2 coffees (black no sugar, see how far I have come) and enjoyed every mouthful.

But let's discuss winter. If you have read some of my posts you will know how much I struggle with sleep. Getting to sleep, staying asleep and then waking up from sleep. Winter makes waking up even harder. Dark, buried in my covers, smothered in my white fleecy blanket which I affectionately call the Polar Bear, I am dug in deeper than an Alabama Tick. Nothing including bedside delivery of morning coffee, iPad and light flicking on and off is going to prize me out of a deep wintery sleep. Poor Gazza can be on the end of a very grumpy bear some mornings. I love that man! He keeps on coming back for more. Duty bound, he tip toes in, hits the lights, drops the coffee on the side table and then runs like hell. Yes, save yourself Gazza, it's your only chance. So, now lets throw in the training program and you gotta know how hard I find it getting out of that dream location where there is warmth and blissful sleep to step into some gym gear, or worse, swim gear (insert scream... arghhhhhhhh) and I am officially the Mayor of Struggle Town. It takes me a good half hour to get fully awake and operational.

And at the end of the day, its time to drag on the training gear again and head out for the second session of the day. Monday nights is Group Squad at the pool with Coach. I rolled in late on Monday, no excuses left. I think I have used them all up already and its only June. It was teaming down rain and freezing cold. We all piled in the water and knocked out a few quick laps to warm up. The rain was cold on our shoulders, but the water was warm while we kept moving. The run across the side of the pool to the change rooms is always a painful but hilarious performance. Trying to run while in the foetal position without anything wobbling. I'll let you go visual for a minute. And then three/four to a shower trying to grab a sprinkling of hot water to warm up with. I love my training. 

Good news though, and a nice reminder that I am not alone in this plight to endure winter, is this little lady. Abbigail Rose. Booohoo its cold mum. Let me just spend the whole of winter cuddled up on my cushion in front of the fire. I know I don't have to work, pay taxes, train, go shopping, make dinner and do Sunday bake offs. But I do struggle so.

It's a tough life team. Just ask her Royal Highness Princess Babbs.

Occasionally though, there are moments of beautiful in our winter weather. We do really live in a lovely part of the world. The Gong is mild in comparison to some places, I have to be honest. And Sunday before last, Gazza and I headed South for a coffee and a spot of whale watching (another bonus of winter) The Whales were a fair way off shore though and we needed the binoculars to see them properly, but it was a cracker of a day and an obligatory Gram shot here to prove it. 

Time to Face the Demon......

4:30am.....always so bloody hard to get my head around. But , surprise, I was awake and getting out of bed. Dragging my cycle kit on under heat lamps in the bathroom (not nearly cold enough to warrant the excessive drain of electricity) before trudging into the kitchen to scramble up some breaky. Always a fav, oats, raspberries, Greek yoghurt and homemade Granola. Sugar free!

Yes, today was the day. It was time to face the demon! My nemesis, the one that kicked me and left me beaten... Bald Hill and Garrie. SOOO DRAMATIC SAMMI! Yeah, just a little over the top. But last time I was up North it was a very different story. Negative thoughts, self imposed pressure, anxiety attack, sore limbs and a list of excuses a mile long. NONE of which was REAL! Well it felt bloody real at the time, mind.

Big Gazza was coming along as Wingman. I love that man. So patient and always ready to slap me when the dramatics start. 


My main Wingman and #1 fan


The gathering at Coach's place was kept to a whisper with Ava and Megs still yet to wake up. A quick chat about sticking to the program provided by Coach which would prevent an awkward conversation, or rather confession, as one of our own had just discovered when they had gone on an 'off program' ride and fell off during the ride. Not only having to confess that they had fallen but having to book physio treatment with him as well.

The Crew headed off into the dark. I felt ok, but I didn't want to blow up and get caught up in the head game of keeping up with the other girls. When we hit the hills I told them to go ahead and then Gaz and I stopped to give them some distance. I needed my own space and not be pressured. I took advantage of the break with a strip down of the winter gloves and a quick Gram shot. With the girls some way down the road, I relaxed heaps and found my own pace and rhythm. I cruised along, Gaz chatting away behind me. It would have been such a slow speed for him. It was a gorgeous morning, warm and the sea was smooth and flat. Perfect for whale watching. But no chance today. Bike ride first. Riding along the Sea Cliff Bridge was just amazing. There is never a time that the road along the bridge doesn't take your breath away.

Internet shot of the Sea Cliff Bridge

The road continued up some short pinchy climbs before the big one loomed ahead. Bald Hill, always a struggle. It used to be at least doable once. Riding weekly up North with the Crew was great for strength and hill climbing and so Bald Hill was once 'easy.' I was also fitter and stronger. But when you haven't climbed it for a while, it takes a lot of out of you. I felt better when on our way home we ran into our friend Chris who also said how long it had been since he had been so far North and how hard the climb had been.

The entire way up the hill I focused on my breathing and not on how far I still had to climb. I counted 10 pedal circles on my right foot standing, 10 pedal circles sitting. Repeat. I kept my mind calm and Gaz was happy toodaling along behind me. Normally he would overtake me and go up in twice the time I would take. He knew it would add pressure if he did, so he sat patiently behind me and occasionally gave encouraging comments. Pft, ya have to ask. What was all the bloody drama about Sammi? You have done this ride and climb so many times. Its a mental game and today I played a smart game, staying calm, focused and unpressured.



Top of the Hill. And undefeated



So we made it to the top. No demons, no anxiety attack, funny that. The girls were at the top. I was surprised. We hadn't let them get as far ahead as I had thought. They headed on down the road towards Garrie and Gaz and I stopped to admire the view, catch our breath and take a quick comfort stop. Oh and of course another Gram shot to act as evidence that I had made it and also to remind myself of a good time when we climbed the hill.

The rest of the ride went fairly uneventful. I continued past the spot where I had turned back the previous ride and continued on to Garrie. Again we found the girls having a break at Garrie and the turn around point. Again, not too far ahead of us. I was still happy that I hadn't ridden with them though. No pressure!

Gazza and I had a quick break, fuelled up on a banana and an energy bar. A whopping 5 teaspoons of sugar in that bad boy! yikes. I think I would have burned it off during the ride though, but my gallbladder later in  the ride, right up under my diaphragm was giving out a strong cramping feeling. We headed home. Descended into the valley at a wicked speed and then climbed slowly back up out of the Park, returning to Bald Hill where we stumbled upon Chris doing a solo ride. He joined us for the 22kms back home and I tucked in behind him as he set the pace. He rode at my usual speed and I was worked hard again. Back in my normal pace and with every mile away from the hill and closer to home the legs got stronger and stronger. Funny that!