In Search of an Uncomplicated Life............

After the stresses of 2 years ago when I left a 16 year long career/job with an A-hole of a CEO, I swore that I would de-clutter and un-complicate my life! This cleansing of 'The Sammi' also involved a revamp of every other aspect of my life. During the process I found myself swinging precariously above a chasm filled with fear, trepidation and plain 'oh Fuck' of my own doing. I felt brave yet absolutely out of control. And control is what I do best, if I can't control I will manipulate or waste a heck of a lot of energy worrying and stressing.

So, I purged. I left my job and the psycho CEO. I let my girl go and watch her walk away with another. My heart broke at my own hand. I watched my scaffolds fall as my brother left for Saudi Arabia with his new wife, and even though he is still there, available on Skype, it left me void of support. I shifted my focus and allowed myself to be calm; quiet and still. I refocused on me, went back to the gym and reminded myself of the constants in my life, my Gazza! daughter, family, Triathlon and with all that I found confidence and started a fresh.

Now, a new job, not quite 2 years and I have been given a promotion to State HR Manager. I didn't apply for this position, it was given to me. Now, I have to study again, work is paying for it sure, its a qual I have needed for some time now, but I didn't ask for it. Now, a girl has come into view, she reminds me, reminds me of the bubble. Now, I am not sleeping again. I am annoyed! I don't want the stress, but I feel vindicated. I don't want to break my heart again, but I am excited and thrilled and want to F.B comment a cryptic..."I have replaced you! I am a cat, I have landed on my feet, MEOW!" 

I am annoyed because these things have broken the silence. I was enjoying the amount of time I could focus on my training. Now finally the ITBs are getting to a place where I can run and now I can't run because I have to travel a 6 hour return trip to another state! for work. AND I know this new girl is too deep, too twisted to have anything to do with her. Sensible voice moment, and just perhaps a little grown up voice mixed in there to. I don't want my cake this time, I'll pass.

I realise I sound extremely ungrateful.... but I also know where I was emotionally 2+ years ago. I was dangerously close to melt down. I don't want to go back there again. I need to protect myself. 

Transition is never easy. At the moment the stresses are high as I move into this new role, study and of course with the extra money comes extra responsibility. I need to be patient and see how this plays out. But I also need to reassure myself, I can simply walk away!

Some Days it Rains Giant Lumps of Coal

But some days it rains diamonds!

Sooooo, a mixed bag of happenings since our return from Port Stephens. The best thing to up date is the fitness and knees continue to go from strength to strength.

Last weekend was a 3 day weekend which I extended to 5 days taking an extra day off work either side of it to get some R&R with Gazza. There were lots of plans made, but the weather decided to play havoc with the plans and we ended up seizing 2 days in the middle for an overnight camp out.

We chose a hike 2 hours away from home and a walk in, camp, walk out. We aimed for Corang Peak in the Morton National Park, Near Wog Wog (Nerriga), NSW. A beautiful spot with not a soul around.

We set out, for what we consider, an easy to moderate walk. 4+ hours later we chose a camp site. But before we did we hit the top of the Corang Peak on a beautiful clear blue day.



Corang Peak, about 3kms out

I enjoyed the day so much with Gazza, chatting happily about life, and loving the trail. I carried about 15kgs and Gazza about 18kggs in our packs and over 13kms and 4+hrs of hiking, I expected to be pretty shattered. Although weary, it wasn't depleting and I was very happy with our efforts.

After a lovely night in front of a raging fire and a few Cowboys and marshmallows and 12 hours of snuggled up sleep in absolute solitude, we struck out for home. The morning revealed a very different day, grey and wet. But we were ready for it and dressed in our dry gear we headed for home.

We arrived back at the car, stripped off our wet gear, put the heater on nuclear and smashed a block of chocolate on the way home. What an amazing couple of days.

Back to reality and it was Wednesday run group. Coach called for my attendance at run group so I was up at 4.30am and racing through the dark to arrive. I joined the group and we headed out. I was a little worried about the legs and how they might feel after the hike. The feet were a little sore in places, but the itbs are always in the back of my mind. I shouldn't have worried, I ran comfortably and kept up with the girls, although still at the back of the pack. I have to remind myself that I run with professional athletes as they race past me at a blitzing pace.

It is so dark in the morning now that we need to run along the bike track, but eventually it was light enough for us to hit the paddock for the rest of the run. I clocked up 9.16kmms and the itbs were just fine! So very happy.

I headed off to work, still happy, but I new today wasn't going to be a great day. Yep, 2 of my team were made redundant, while I was given a promotion to Southern NSW & ACT HR Manager.

It means travel. I am going to need to be creative and ensure that I find a way to keep my training going. Yes, they have pools and running tracks and riding trails in Canberra. It will be about finding a way. I also am not looking forward to being away overnights in Canberra and away from Gazza. He seems fine with the idea. hmmmmm time will tell.

Still Buzzing........No Batteries Required!

Its been an unexpectedly surprisingly great tri season for me.
As it draws to a close (and the real work is just beginning!) I am left looking back over my shoulder and shaking my head in disbelief. Wow, what a ride.

I remember saying to Coach in about October last year...'Coach, I have lost my happy thought.' He gave me a month off to go tour around Hawaii and Canada. I returned to the Crew still well below par and ready to pull the pin. A series of rough itb flare ups and a tantrum from hell and I even started to seriously doubt whether I could pull myself back up outta the buh that had engulfed me.

In a desperate last ditch effort to crawl back, I announced to Coach that I wouldn't be racing this season. I wanted to go right back to basics and start building up the Onion core and hopefully even lay down a few thin layers of resilience. I hoped this was a sensible, no pressure, approach.

The plan worked and shortly after Christmas I found a little oomph and started looking at racing again.

Now with 4 races under my belt (1 dropped due to illness) I am left at the end of the season with a good taste in my mouth and the want to do it all again.

Last weekend was the last triathlon race of the season for me at Port Stephens. It was a pretty stressful time at work prior, but once I drove to Port Stephens and met up with my buddies, the weekend began and I enjoyed the company and laughs.

The usual nerves kicked in pre-race with the 'I don't want to do this, I'll roll over and stay in bed' thoughts. But I managed to keep these at bay and once my bike was racked I started to get excited. I am discovering that I need to hover 'helicopter style' outside my body slightly on race mornings, it helps.

The water was incredibly warm for so late in the season and I could have quite easily have stayed and played in the small breakers. But it was race day. I checked the water and decided against using the rip to get out behind the breakers this time. It was running hard, but away from the buoy. I went the shorter option and I think it paid off with a 3rd position out of the water. I kept the power at moderate, hoping this would pay off in the run.

One Mile Beach, Anna Bay, Port Stephens

Out on the bike I was very happy and pushed some big gears. With no speedo on board it was hard to know what speed I was doing, but going by feel I think I was cranking along pretty good. The rolling hills at the turn around point proved tricky with my bike gearing mucking up yet again. My race wheels are not happy with the arrangement. I am going to have to work on this. Bike is in for a tune up this week. On the way back to the start though, I ran out of gears and could have powered more. At the end I had the fastest ride in my age group. Boom! Happy days.

I hit the run a little concerned about the off road section of the course. A single track with exposed tree roots, surely the itbs would not be happy at all. BUT! They hung on and I ran the two laps without stopping except for a quick drink through the aid stations. Overall 2nd!

Later that night was the presentation and no way. 2nd on the point score! Life doesn't get any better. What a way to finish the year!

Fair chuffed with my efforts, a pleasant surprise!

 

Not sure how I ended up centre, but me and the ITC and KTC
members cleaning up at the presentation night.

Time to relax.......

I headed home via Richmond to pick up Gazza, who had just finished his 100kmm ultra through the blue mountains. In under 18hours. A very tired pair as we drove home in convoy.

Looking forward now, it's time to pick it up a notch and head for the future and what's next.

Olympic distance.

Garmin Vectra pedals are here and ready to go on. I'm taking Lil Red in for a service and get the power metre put on. woohooo. I'm very excited. I've also decided to spend a little time down south this winter and ride with Rob and Al.

Lil Red, pondering the future and enjoying the end of a great season

Feeling fine, on laughs and good times.......

Trials and Tribulations.............

As she sweats and turns circles to nowhere her mind wonders to the thought of the day..... To Power Meter or not to Power Meter? That is the question.

After my windtrainer decided to pack it in finally, but not til we were right in the middle of a trainer session with the Crew did it decide that enough was enough and give up the game. I was left to ride with one hand on the brake to try and get some resistance happening. I am left with a decision to make now about replacing it. 

Option 1, use Big Gazza's windtrainer and never do a session together - I guess with him running now most of the time and only doing a 20min spin occasionally, it is definitely the cheapest option.

Option 2, buy a decent windtrainer replacement for around $350 - a lot of the Crew are using this little green machine and recommend it

Option 3, buy a bloody good windtrainer replacement, including iphone ant+ sync up and power meter incorporated in to it - Coach uses this one. Expensive, but the Ducks Nuts!

Option 4, buy a Power Meter and use Gazza's windtrainer - that way I can have the Power Meter out on the road and during races also.

These little guys cost around the same as the Wahoo wind trainer. Pretty pricey, but possibly the next step in my training. This leads me to my next question.......is this way over the top? After all, a self proclaimed, average 'Raggy Doll' age grouper like me, does she really need this level of equipment.

After a ride with my 2 Compadres, The Onion Man and Slippery, round the lake yesterday and doing some pretty good time trial efforts and working some hills, I think I am ready to go to the next level. Certainly Coach said he would be able to use it in my training. 

Also, another consideration. One of the girls that I only just manage to keep off my tail during racing (at my current status) has just bought herself a brand new Specialized time trial bike. She has been pushing an entry level bike at speed round the race course for a few years. In order to stay a step ahead now she has a lighter, faster bike, is to push the training to the next level. Especially now that we are competing same age group, same distance. Problem is I am at the older end of the age group and she is at the other end. 

I need everything at my disposal to reach my goals. Ha, I can justify anything.

I Am The Walrus......................

I spent all day working on preparations. Not the party kind, but the life altering, earth shaking kind. Number one of the checklist of 'Get Sammi to Her Happy Place' was to go out and buy Tupperware. WTF? I hear you say. Yep, Tupperware! Kids, you can never have enough plastic containers and a variety of lids that invariably end up in a dozen different cupboards and you spend 20 minutes playing a 3 year old's game of match the lid with the right container. But yes, I bought Tupperware containers. I then went and bought my food for the week. Chicken, steak, broccoli, brown rice, oats, quinoa, egg whites the list goes on. 

Now, if you have read previous blogs, you would know that Big Gazza is the cook in our family. I have 6 left thumbs when it comes to cooking and still have no idea how to work our oven. It's rocket science to me, and I am no astronaut. I started prepping my meals and when Gaz couldn't take it any longer, listening to me spit and rant on, he came and gave me a hand. By the end of the cookout, I had 21 (yep 21!) little plastic containers filled with meals. Enough to outfit me for the week. I also had a pile of dishes in the sink that would take me another hour to clean up.

I spent the rest of the day relaxing. Zenning out in our little spot of paradise in the back yard. We finally finished the pond area and added a few more plants. Cause you can never have enough foliage. And with the sound of water trickling from the fountain, it wasn't hard to unwind and dream about the week to come.

There is no place like home, there is no place like home!

The week launched with a bang, sleep in, stretch and core! I love Monday mornings. The week progressed and I committed to the program and diet 100%. An interesting observation for me is that I am a cold turkey kind a girl. It's 100% in or give it a miss. Once I am locked in, there is no sugar or chocolate passing these lips, no session goes missed. It's being able to sustain this lock down for as long as possible that is the concern. If I waiver from the goal, just an inch, I'm finished. So I was in!

This forest and its trails have been a part of my life for over 40 years of my life

A trail run through the forest near my house. Wet, but a little touch of solitude and trail running, great for the soul. I hate running with an ipod outdoors, there is so much to hear when you are in the bush. Love it!

     

Open the flood gates

Tried for an outdoor ride on the bike one afternoon. Took myself down to Swamp Road, aptly named. The huge rains we have had over the past week made it impossible for a bike to pass. I headed home and thought of taking another route til I was caught in a huge deluge and wound up calling Gazza for a rescue pick up. I was a drowned rat by the time he found me and the little Cervi tucked up under a tree trying to stay dry. Not going to happen. Luckily it wasnt to cold yet and I was fine.

 

No the camera isn't blurry, this is what I actually see at 6am 

An early morning swim set at the local 25m pool. The Onion Man is the lifesaver at the pool and part of my Tri family. Good thing too. He has saved me so much money by letting me sneak in 2 times a week for the last year. No Roberto this morning, so it was an extra strong Sammi that jumped in the pool and stuck to the program and got it done. I do feel so much more comfortable in the water these days. The consistency may not be paying off in speed, but it sure helps for keeping the feel of the water.

Me, after 20mins.....Coach at 41kms (Melbourne I.M) FORM!!!!!!!

Another wet day found me pounding the treadmill. Always a fun session. At least you can control the intervals. I feel like I am ripping along at a great pace. But reality is so different. I would like to eventually get back to about 5 minute kms. But that is a long way away. I have to build up the fitness and endurance before speed even gets a look in. Not to mention the form. I'm getting there, but can only hold good form for a very short time. More strength and core work required.

Stopping for repairs as the sun comes up

And Saturday, what a huge day! I finally got to catch up with Coach to congratulate him in person for qualifying for Kona. Hugs for Coach and then it was hugs for Megzy too. There is a little glitch in the system. So exciting!

After a few words from Coach about his thoughts of the weekend in Melbourne and a couple of words from Skip and we were off. 6 girls in the group. A few mechanical issues for E.T and Katie. Both have brand new P3s. No, I don't want one. I love my little ride.

We headed.......yep, you guessed it. North! Into the Natio. I was dreading the ride and again started bargaining with myself. At one point I was pulling out at the end of the bridge, then it was Stanwell Park, then it was the bottom of Bald Hill climb. I was fighting the demons in my head and the tiredness in my legs validated the devil on my shoulder's argument. I fought him all the way up Bald Hill. I even pulled out of the climb halfway up onto a small verge so I could let the girls go pass me. Now on the back of the bunch I set the legs to my own cadence and not try to keep the lead and the pressure that goes with having the rest of the group behind me. I made it to the top and just about died. It never gets any easier! Well it does, but it has been a long time since that climb was anything but pain.

I thought of turning back for home. I knew I needed to get the kms up, so I even thought of riding home from the top of the hill. It would be a flat ride and would give me 100kms by the time I got home. But I limped on and followed the girls into the park. Of course, the obligatory piddle and photo at the top of the hill with 4 of the girls had to happen before we went on. Conrats Ironman Katie!

Ironman Katie, E.T, Hoolly Doolly and Me

We rode down into the park and I chatted happily with Katie and all was good. The boys went past us heading home and a little later, the other 2 girls. I took the gap and turned for home. Short of the Waterfall turn off, but a steady ride home with Bec and Deb kept me working hard. 

We rode pass the boys who had stopped for a flat and by the time they caught us we were all but home. 70kms would do fine. Coach rode up beside me, turned and looked at me, and said flatly, 

"I am the Walrus!"      Yes, yes you are.

I've Got Sand Between My Toes.............

So, the Crew, I'd say 90% of them, are in Melbourne for Ironman this weekend. Toeing the line are Coach, Skip, Elvy and Katie. The rest are supporters who will man the megaphone and bring them all home. I'll be checking in on the action from back here. 

Gazza has a huge race on this weekend too. A 21km run, out and back. Its at the Blue Mountains and forms part of the Northface 100km race that he will do later in May. Its a great training day for him. Check out the elevation of this crazy ass run. A friend said she saw people crawling back up this last year.

I'm staying home for this race too. Not that I don't want to support Big Gazza and wait for him at the finish line. But I have stuff to do!

No longer finding excuses to skip out on some hard work, I took a hard look at a few things and also a couple of photos. Here it is in all its undignified, unedited, wish it weren't true but it is, harsh reality. <Insert Parental Guidance required> warning. 

April 7, 2013

21 March, 2014

One year on.......Ok, I'm not going to beat myself up too badly here. Shit happens. It's about getting the reality check, by way of self inflicted Makatush (for definition of Makatush, check an earlier blog) and recognising that I need to do something about it.

Reality is....I let it go! I lost my drive, mojo, motivation, what ever you want to call it, I call it losing my happy thought, that place where doing exercise and working towards, life, fitness and health goals and racing to use as a barr for judging progression and staying motivated, is fun. And Wham! (Not the George Michael kind) you get sat on your backside with a humongous Makatush of my own making.

So there it is, the reality check. Now join me here as we...........

draw a line in the sand; and step over it.

So, this weekend, while the world is off doing their thing. I am focusing on doing mine. 

A few things here:

• 3 month initial goal
• see myself beyond 60kilos - scales don't measure sexy!
• Stay focused on me
• Build up my own inspiration
• Don't be afraid to be alone - and succeed
• Be optimistic
• Be better than I was yesterday
• Make wise choices
• and, Go do what it is I live for!

Missed Races........

It's like this, take 5 x $20 notes, screw each one up into a small ball, make a little pile of them. Now take a lighter, roll the flint til the flame catches and now hold the lighter to the crumpled up pieces of paper and watch the flames splutter and catch hold. See the black smoke rise and within seconds it's all over and all that remains is a smoldering little heap of blackness.

That's pretty much what I did on the weekend. My entry fee to the Wollongong Triathlon went poof, up in smoke and I sat on the lounge feeling like a small smoldering heap of blackness. Ooooooooow the Sammi was not a happy little bear. Cranky at myself for not toeing the start line with the rest of the Crew. Yeah, I had been sick since the Wednesday before and I know I am not supposed to be hard on myself. Could I have dragged myself to the start line and done the race, probably. But the smart lab rat knows that I wasn't there, in my heart, head and body, this race wasn't going to happen. 

On an upside, I am on the road to recovery, still feeling flat and drained, but getting there. Did a walk last night, slept in this morning and an easy 30min spin planned for this afternoon should see me moving forward once more. Next race....Port Stephens, 8 weeks away. Something to keep my focus.