What a shit week. I mean seriously! I have been running subpar all week. I even had to have a midday nap on a couple of days. Training also, not that great. I’m feeling loads of mixed emotions right now. Seriously body hating, worrying about not having enough training completed to be able to complete Husky long course in any reasonable time and without embarrassing myself. Losing confidence daily in myself and my abilities and just feeling fat and old.
I have lost sight of my peers. It seems that laughing about getting to Kona through natural attrition has become a reality. But it also seems that I’m now part of the numbers that are dwindling out the back of the pack. I am now 15kgs overweight and I can’t get it off me. Far out! I also can’t see my peers anymore. I have to work hard to name a few and I get to about 4-5 and that’s it. Im looking for inspiration. Someone or people that can inspire me and lead me to success. It’s so frustrating. I’ve spent so much money in this to possibly fail, or worse, get bored, throw my hands in the air and give up. When is it ok to stop? Im not sure. Maybe I’m flogging a dead horse. Maybe my job was to just show Kez the way and then step aside? Seems very plausible. Seems right.
Other part of me wants to soldier on for one more Ironman. see this through, finish and walk away. and then drop back to sprints. Have some fun whenever I feel like it. Do bike packing adventures with the family and then just do training with less load and no pressure.
It’s typical prerace, no training doubts. Bowel problems and prerace jitters I guess but I honestly thought the weight would drop off when I started to work again. Diet isn’t always on point, I’m a closet snacker and yes I indulge, but wowsers do I need to be 100% on? I’m currently at 75-76kgs that’s 15 kilos heavier than I was last Ironman and now I can’t get below 75. So drastic measures, engaged! Insert shakes, soups, berries and veggies. I’ll check in next week with update.
Slowly the positive side of me will return somehow. x
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