Sunday, September 9, 2012

A Good Dollop of Bad Medicine

I have long since given up on Motivation. (even though I just used the word in a previous blog doh!)In the past people have said to me..."How do you find the motivation to do Ironman and the training?" I don't think it is motivation that gets me up every morning, there isn't a little pink pill I take called Motivation and it certainly doesn't run in my veins freely.

Nah there is no plastic motivation here! It's just a pure "Just Fucking Do It" approach (it's my blog and I can swear if I want to, swear if I want tooooo....) and a strong desire to achieve something great in my life. To pack as much in as I can, to have a life that was/is truly inspirational, to look back and say wow I had a great ride and to be validated by my family and loved ones as an Awesome Chick who 'sucked the marrow out of life' - R.Williams, Dead Poet Society.

But of late I have been wondering where it? (this intangible thing) has gone. Did my desire dry up like an old sponge that once dripped with that much drive and energy that I could bottle it. Maybe I was motivated after all and now the motivation has gone. Hand me the needle! Or maybe I am tired and now that I have ticked the Ironman box, the desire, dream, hunger has faded to just a soft growl.

For the last couple of weeks I have laid in bed each morning and negotiated with myself regarding whether I should get up and train or roll over and snuggle into the covers of a nice warm bed for just a couple of extra ZZZZZs. Once the alarm goes off I dutifully get up and go to work and feel guilty and cranky at myself if I miss the session.

Truth moment....

I am the only one that can solve this problem and I know it. There is no secret Motivational Pill I can take to fix what ails me. There is no tap to turn on in order to JFDI. There is no program, no Coach, no training buddy or alarm screaming me to action. It is up to me to get up and get going again. Frustratingly heavy mind games ensue.

Negative talk...........

I'm too old; all the other girls (my age) stay home in bed (or in the words of Baby Sylvester..."all the other Pussycaths get to stay in bed!"); why do another Ironman just stick to the sprints that way you can have a life as well; there will always be tomorrow so do it then; if I sleep in today and skip the ride I can make up that lost run by doing two tomorrow; WTF! It's going to hurt, it's cold, I'm lonely, it's wet, wah wah waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh......... Ugly ain't it?

ok then, well why do I want to do another Ironman? Wasn't I content with ticking that box? I guess not. Once bitten by the Ironman Bug it takes a hold of you and is like a systemic disease. It enters your body, mind and life, shapes and changes you till you know nothing else but train, eat, recover, sleep, work, physio/massage then train some more. If you want to talk to me...grab your runners and run with me. If you want quality time? foreplay rub this glute.

Yep, the drive is still there it's just hidden under a fucking poor excuse somewhere.

I just need to focus on what matters, my inspiration.....................


Oh there you are!!!!!!!!

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