Previously, I had brushed over his inquiries with a wave of the hand and a 'Yep I'm cool." as a standard response. I have learnt however, that this doesn't help him learn about me and how much work load he can give me before me and/or the body can't take any more. Countless hours laying on the physio table with him gently prodding and probing for answers to his questions has finally melted the ice maiden and now when I walk in the room and he asks "How are you Sammi?" with a concerned and genuine look on his face, finds me sometimes jabbering on about crap that I would never normally discuss with anyone, except maybe Gazza.
One of the main things I am discovering is that I find it hard to recognise fatigue. Weird I suppose. I figure if you're tired then sleep. However, I am learning that if you are fatigued then it is like a snowball rolling down a hill effect I reckon. It's like doing a hard session and then hitting the showers and bed. You wake up in the morning after a solid nights sleep and expect that during the night your body has recovered and is ready to go again fresh, recovered, stronger and keen for more of the same. WRONG!!!!! It's more like the body has not fully recovered and a little layer of fatigue has stuck itself to the outside of the snowball. Each session adds another layer of fatigue and there is never enough sleep in 8 hours to shake off the layers. Eventually my snowball hits the bottom of the hill and smashes into smithereens. Usually after a race I find or after about 6 weeks of the program. The problem is the smash in reality is me laying in bed for a week unable to find the motivation to get up and do the program/work/sessions.
What should happen is that I recognise that there are layers gathering on my snowball, the hill is getting steeper and the snowball is gathering speed. I then need to act and find ways to scrape off the layers, slow the speed and adjust the incline of the hill. I got to say I really haven't found the answer to how yet. I am trying though and with regular check-ins with Coach and communicating honestly about how I (or rather the snowball) is travelling is crucial.
But now imagine that my snowball which is travelling along at a, let's say cracking pace, as I get to the end of a big 4 week training cycle and has to travel through a blizzard and then gets hit by an avalanche. Yep, let's add a good load of outside factors and internal factors to the mix. Good old stress and hormones. Stress for me is having my kid away serving in Afghanistan, having my girlfriend living with us (moved out now though) and work. Previously a cruizy individual without a care in the world and could forget totally that work even existed when the weekends came round, now I find myself getting stressed quicker. Remnants of my previous job and the bullying etc that went on. (But that's a previous blog) The point is that I still haven't healed completely. After all it has only been 6 months. I should give myself a break, and I do. It's just hard for me to recognise when the stress is coming on and because I internalise it no-one sees what's happening on the inside. To all, I am in control, calm under fire and happy go lucky. On the inside the blizzard is raging and the snowball is reaching break neck speed.
Now let's add a great big dollop of hormones. Yeah I'm female and that sux when it comes to the swinging moods and hormones that flush through the system each month or so. At 47 you would think they would quit their fussing and go pick on some other poor soul. But nope, I still find that there are times across the month where, I just wanna kick the poor dog across the yard and then crawl up in a tiny ball and hide from the world and then eat the fridge out. Sometimes there are just never enough Tim Tams to make it go away. And after discussions with Coach I am learning that there are other hormones that are associated with fatigue, neural overload, muscular stress etc that are also in the mix.
The snowball is now reaching Warp 6......(insert Scotty quote "She canny take anymore Captain!")........As I plummet headlong into oblivion I realise that this week I have a healthy (or rather unhealthy) dose of all 3 factors. Yep, I got the hormones, stress and fatigue all mixing up in one big cauldron of steaming crappola. Way to go Sammi!
Answer??????
Give myself a break. Yep, easier said than done. Sleep-ins, program on hold, do what I have to as far as sessions are concerned. Try and eat healthy avoiding comfort food. (Epic fail on the avoidance strategy). TALK TO COACH!!!! - Working on that one.
Tonight is an open water swim with Coach and the Crew. I will roll up for that. Saturday is 100kms on the bike, yep I will roll up for that. Sunday is a club team race, yep I wont let the team down and I'll show.... Monday is rest and then the week will start again. I will pick up my shit covered proverbial snow sled and trudge the long walk back up the hill to jump on the luge ride again. Hoping that I can find strategies to lessen the incline, recognise the snow that I am gathering along the way and put the brake on when I see I am gathering too much speed.
Wish me luck.... oh and if you are an experienced snowball rider and have found an answer...feel free to share with the Rookie. Enjoy the Ride!!!!
This blog is dedicated to Megzy - whose snowball just hit the wall.. It happens to the best of us.
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